10-things I have learned to do when at a Presidential/PM event

10-things I have learned to do when at a Presidential/PM event

For those who are close to the power centers in Center or states, you may please stop reading further. 

For others like me who have so far been comfortable in our six degrees of separation from the high tables, this is for you.

Like the donkey who ferried the idol assumed he was the one being revered by every passer-by, When I got my first invitation card to a presidential event, I imagined I had finally arrived. Better sense prevailed soon after as I realized it was my b-card. In any case, here I was, thrown into the unknown of a super-formal non-event followed by lunch.

So how should one approach an official event, how is one expected to conduct oneself, and what does one try to achieve from events like this. I have learnt a few ground rules that I can share with the audience of this blog, who I assume will find an occasion in the near future to be in the good books of the powers-that-be. Assume it’s the PM’s swearing in.

     1.      Usually there is the anthems, and entertainment, followed by speeches, photos and interactions. And Lunch. Always get your phone battery charged. It helps to kill time, live tweet your life’s success moment, and if you’re lucky get some good pics of the performing entertainment squad.

      2.      This one is about what you should NOT do. It is unlikely that you’ll find the good fortune to say much to the chief guest, much less heard, even if he’s shaking hands with you for that extra millisecond. Please don’t try your elevator pitch. He’s been there. Done that.

     3.      This is what you should do. Always manage to trace a camera guy, and assure him you’ll buy your photographs from him. In most events photographers display several pics they know can be sold anyway, but it’s good to be sure. Mark him out as you near the PM. When you get that millisecond, say HI, and ask for that pic! Bongo, that’s what you came here for!

    4.      Live tweet. Such events afford the best occasion to get some RTs from despicable tweeple who love to ignore you.

     5.      If you’re one of the speakers at the podium, please remember no one wants to hear what you say, and everybody gives a damn to what your organization’s mission and vision are. Just make a few good jokes, keep them awake and get back to your seat pronto.

     6.      As soon as the formal event closes and lunch is open, run to occupy the 1st table near the reserved tables, which are anyway reserved for important people who are way out of your league. This way you’ll be in physical proximity of someone important. If you’re lucky, one of those important people may trip and drop some eatables on you, in which case you get to so some serendipitous networking.

     7.      Once the table is occupied, you need not rest on your laurels. The queue at the food counter may look terrifying, but it’ll be much worse later, and you may end up reaching empty dishes of the best food. If you’re on an ultra-VIP table and are being served, well , bad for you, because now you are at the mercy of the overworked understaffed Stewarts, who are just too slow while you either kill time being ignored by important people, or try and compete with your table-mates for self-importance.   

     8.      Avoid alcoholic drinks. I have a theory they dilute it so much that even if you try your best, you’ll still not get to the stage of switching to your mother tongue.

     9.      Lunch being over, don’t forget to buy your pic you had so painstakingly ordered.

     10.   Don’t try to impress the artistes who performed at stage before the speeches. Will just cost you a couple of beers with no returns.

Please let me know if you found these tips helpful.